


A Halloween torment

by doomed_spectacles



Series: Spooky Omens: 13 Days of Halloween! [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Dogs, Gen, Halloween Costumes, Humor, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27178210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doomed_spectacles/pseuds/doomed_spectacles
Summary: Dog experiences his first Halloween on earth.The hellhound thought he knew torture in Hell. This was worse.
Series: Spooky Omens: 13 Days of Halloween! [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978405
Comments: 20
Kudos: 39
Collections: Genuary 2021, Racket’s 13 Days of Halloween





	A Halloween torment

**Author's Note:**

> Racket's 13 days of Halloween, day 6: Costumes!
> 
> (PSA: Don't give your dog candy no matter how cute they are!)

In Hell, one learns that the most effective ways to torture, whether the victim is supernatural or not, involve humiliation. The hellhound, however, usually just ate people. He left the torture to others. They had task forces and subcommittees for these things — nothing ruffled feathers in Hell quite like cross-departmental overreach. So while he wasn’t an expert in torture, he had the basics covered. Hellhounds were exempt from the mandatory torture training program given to newly recruited souls but it was pretty much baked into his very being. 

He really shouldn’t have been surprised when Deirdre Young lured him with a piece of cheese while Arthur Young grabbed him around the middle. 

The bumblebee wings and antenna itched fiercely in places he couldn’t reach. He snarled but it only made the humans coo at him. He wriggled, struggling to get free, but it was useless. Velcro straps held scratchy fabric in place around his soft middle. His humiliation was as keenly felt firsthand as it had been when he’d witnessed it in others Down Below.

The hellhound retreated behind the legs of his master. He had hope, which in hindsight was a rookie mistake. Hope was new. In Hell, hope was as rare as efficiency or good personal hygiene. If you had too much hope, everything hurt more. But the hellhound — Dog — had hoped. That Adam, his Adam, would help.

Instead, Dog’s first Halloween on earth was spent chasing the end of a costume he couldn’t quite reach to rip off, scratching in vain at the unforgiving polyester blend. His beloved Adam joined in on the torment, snapping pictures on his mobile and then running off with his friends. When he returned, Adam didn’t share his spoils with Dog, citing the negative health effects of chocolate on a canine digestive system.

The hellhound, admitting defeat, stood stock-still in the doorway while the bell rang incessantly and he was unable to perform his duty to protect the Young household.

The hellhound thought he knew torture in Hell. This was worse.

And then, after what seemed like years — cheese. Heavenly, beautiful, smelly cheese. 

Dog gobbled it out of Deirdre’s hand eagerly. The delicious scent filled his nose and he swallowed the morsel, satisfied. Dog sniffed, then perked his ears — Dierdre couldn’t resist his little perky ears — and received another bite. As his senses filled with cheese and his head was dutifully patted, his trial came to an end. Gentle hands removed the constricting garment from his body and he shook himself free at last.

Dog ran a celebratory circle around the house before receiving a half-hearted scolding for jumping on the couch. And then, more cheese for being such a good little bumblebee-dog.

The hellhound’s torment, already half-forgotten, passed. What he didn’t know was that Deirdre Young had a Pinterest board labeled ‘dog costumes’ with fifty-seven unique items on it, queued and ready for next year.


End file.
